A Spiritual Practice on a Pole?

imagesPicture courtesy of the SFactor

The other night I was emailing my tech guy about my website. We’re friendly and since we’re both doing the entrepreneurial thing from home, we know how isolating it can get. Also, because I’m a life coach who incorporates pleasure into my work, I often ask him what he’s doing for fun. And he answers, which is great, but he also asks me the same, so I have to be on my game.

This Thursday I answered vaguely, “I’m going dancing.” He then wrote,

“What kind of dancing?” Hah, he didn’t know it, but he was calling me out. Should I tell him? I don’t usually divulge this to men because of how they might perceive it.

Now, he knows that I teach women about living their desires, and how sensuality is related to it, but I tend to the keep the details under the radar. I mean, I’m a recovering Catholic! Good girls don’t talk about it, much less dance to it.  I had to respond to his direct question, so I took a breath and emailed back, “Pole dancing.” After including a brief explanation, I quickly hit, “Send.”

It bothered me all night. Would he judge me, wondering if it’s some kind of strip club? (It’s not.)  Or worse, would he think me some ridiculous older woman trying to get her sexy on?

I felt shame for having sent it. The next day he wrote a nice email asking about it. I then explained that it’s S Factor, a two hour pole dancing class & workout, created by Sheila Kelley (pictured above).  It is taught by women, for women, to help us fall in love with our bodies…old/young, tall/short, thin/fat…doesn’t matter…to love our sensuality and dance it. And self-love? That’s what it’s all about, ladies…all of it.

As I contemplated my shame, here’s the real issue: it wasn’t about the hot, younger tech guy: It was fear of being judged, of being humiliated. One of my great spiritual teachers said this is one of the greatest fears humans have. It prevents us from stepping out, speaking our truth, being our most authentic selves, and this is where desire leads us…to our most authentic self.

Scary stuff, that.

Since my Hay House webinar about “Dancing With Desire”, I’ve heard this from so many women. They have shame about voicing their desires, even writing them down, as if we’re not allowed to have them…and forget it if they’re sexy!

Desires are sent to us by something higher than ourselves. Frequently, they are rooted in the body. So, take out that journal. Do not censor. Write them down. Feel into them…which ones make you feel good? This is where the guidance begins. Then, who knows?

You may even join me on the pole!




bio2Karen Fitzgerald is a personal development coach and entrepreneur whose mission is to help guide top performing creative women make big changes in their life.  She is also a sought after public speaker, writer and performer and has written for the Huffington Post and has spoken at The Hay House.

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